I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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