I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
