i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
