I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
