no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
