He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
