her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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