Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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