worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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