yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
