we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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