Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
