Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
