he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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