If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can I color on your dick again?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
