oh god the rape fog is back!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
