It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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