did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
