john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
