STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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