I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
