i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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