I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
