but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
