This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
