so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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