her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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