tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
farters have to be the big spoon...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
