omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
