i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
