So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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