You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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