FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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