How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
