Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
