I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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