WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
