Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
