I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
