I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
