Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
