How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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