accomplished twins. life is a go
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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