You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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