i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
