i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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