It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
