there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize