I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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