I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
