someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
