I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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