Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
