bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
