I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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