do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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