I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
