peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
