Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
