you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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