She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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