i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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