So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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