if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize