you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
