can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
