I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
