I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
