Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
