i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
