is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
