Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
