Whod you bang
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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