real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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