if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
