It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
