how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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