Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
