I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
