You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
