i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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