First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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